Monday, March 15, 2010

FEELINGS, ETC

So many feelings running thru my head. Anger, resentment, pity, thankfulness, love, etc, etc. Who knew you could have so many feelings all at once. All these feelings are the result of what happened while I was pregnant w/Luke & the problem that arose w/Wayne's family. They've been brought back to the surface because of Wayne's brother's upcoming wedding. They have made it kid-unfriendly as well as the fact of having it spread out over the span of 6-8 hours. Dad & Hazel are going to watch our boys for the wedding portion but there's no way they can handle the boys for the "dinner" portion too. The wedding's at 2:30pm(will most likely be done by 2:45) & then dinner doesn't start 'til 6pm. This is a big gap of time etc for our kids to be watched by anyone(even grandparents). Due to all that went down that day back in 2008, I have mixed feelings about this whole situation.
I told Wayne the weekend after we got our invitation how/what I was feeling. I still have anger & resentment at being told that I was not a member of the family & that I was F-ing, white trailer trash. It made me know where I stood(at least w/1 member of his family). So, on that note, I told Wayne I wasn't in too big a hurry, etc to find someone to watch the boys for the dinner portion of the day. He understands. Other stuff has gone on regarding the wedding but on her side. I was telling Wayne what I'd found out & said he'd probably catch grief over me not going to the dinner(or hear about it thru the grapevine). When I told him this; he said he'd tell them why should she come when she knows how you really feel about her & also that they were lucky he was even there....This is where my thankfulness & love comes in. The pity is for Wayne being put in this circumstance.
Am I wrong for having these feelings? I don't know BUT what I do know is; I can't help having them!!!